Meet our friend Guggleplux. Say hello, Gugs!
Guggsen-jammer here is not terribly bright, and I think their superiors might know that, too.
That might explain why they’ve sent ’em to this doomed world that’s already in the throes of its own apocalypse — meaning, the sea level is rising fast, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
It’s only a matter of time before the water rises and ends you, and… you know…
But, hey, you might as well go out with a bang!
And what better bang than being in the draw for $1000 smackaroos?
(That’s the technical term, we promise; we’ve checked with industry specialists.)
Confused? Don’t worry. We’ll explain.
Why a draw? What is this, the county fair?!
This game is a time trial.
And it’s based on, let’s be honest, the luck of the draw. The buildings are procedurally generated, and no two game playing fields are the same.
Therefore, you might get a lucky roll from RNGesus, or you might get a really crappy roll from whoever takes care of the purgatorial punishments in your neck of the woods.
Isn’t this just Seascraper?
Yes, it is indeed Seascraper by tintwotin — here’s the original game — but this special Challenge Edition has some notable differences:
- We made it all purple.
- We changed the main character to this alien-looking dude.
- We had him shoot out of the launch pad of an orbital spaceship. (No reason; it just looked cooler that way.)
- There’s a bunch more crap flying around… and by “a bunch,” we mean a metric crap-ton.
- We increased your jumping ability so you now have 3 jumps. Two for the price of one! Or however you wanna count that. We’re not your middle school math teacher.
- Everything else is the same. Survive as long as you can; try to stay out of the soup. Yer boy can’t swim.
Why should I compete?
For a high score! No, wait, for the chance to win $1000 USD!
How do I compete?
PLAY THE GAME
(Look, seriously, our website thingyjiggy can’t make this any bigger. Here, let me say it again.)
(That oughtta do it.)
The longer you stay alive, the longer you can spite your alien overlords.
But, more importantly, if you’re one of the top 5 scorers of this time trial, you are in the draw to win $1000!
When the challenge ends — on Monday, May 2nd at 15:00 CEST — we will do a live random drawing of the top 5 placements on the leaderboard, and that random lucky winner will walk away with $1000.
When does the challenge end?
Wuh… we just told you? Monday, May 2nd, 15:00 CEST. Nobody reads anymore, do they?
What happens if I win? How do I claim my prize?
We give you a pat on the back. And, also, $1000. But I think we can all agree the pat on the back is really what counts.
For the minor inconvenience that is the $1000 prize, we need the following information (if you’re a non-Danish citizen):
- Your bank’s name (no, “square building down the street” will not do)
- Your own full name and address (we promise not to pass this around to our marketing department)
- IBAN no. (your bank knows what this is)
- SWIFT code (your bank should also know what this is)
- Your height, weight, and bone density (just kidding, we don’t actually need that; we just wanted to make sure you read all of that)
What’s the caveat?
Well, briefly, it’s–
Wait. What the hell is a caveat?
Ok. Now tell me what the caveat is.
Glad you asked.
To participate in this challenge, you must:
a) Be 13 years or older.
b) Have read this terrifying Terms & Conditions legal spew.
c) Understand that if we suspect any cheating or wrongful accumulation of high scores, we reserve the right to i) strip you of your winnings, and ii) publicly flog you in a very humiliating fashion*.
* Just kidding. Maybe.